SRIVIDYA SPHURANA (THOUGHTS) – PART 15 - By Bhuvananandanatha
Next two months went everything normal. Chanchal’s sadhana was going as usual. No change either in his outer world or inner world. Only improvement was free flow of mantras and their dhyana slokas. Now he is able to chant all three mantras without any confusion. He is comfortable with the anustana procedures also.
One day he was doing mantra japa. He was chanting Bala Tripurasundari mantra. He was sincerely trying to concentrate on mantra. He was struggling in that respect. He was thinking “I must concentrate only on mantra. External objects should not attack my mind. I am concentrating on mantra only”. Like this he was telling himself (self hypnotize) while doing mantra japa. Suddenly he felt someone was calling him by slapping on his shoulder. He felt discomfort and opened his eyes. He saw Moha calling him like that. He became very much annoyed. Without thinking he slapped her strongly. Moha fell on the floor. She never saw his father in such an angry mood. She started crying. Her chubby cheek turned red. Aakarsha ran fast into the puja room and understood the situation. She shouted and asked Chanchal “What you did? Is it the right to slap children like this?” By saying this she left the place with Moha.
Chanchal felt blank for some time. Then he started his japa again but he could not concentrate anymore now. He never shouted at Moha till today. But he slapped her today. He felt very sad. He started to go to office. He looked for Moha. She did not turn up to say ‘bye’ to him. He started his vehicle.
He felt very sad. He thought…..
“How foolish I was in the morning. Why did I slap her? She is a kid. She doesn’t know all these things. She always wanted to play with me. She is very much interested in watching TV, playing games, hotels etc. Now days I stopped taking her outside. Who made habituated these things to her? Is it not me? Am I not responsible for all these? Strictly I should be punished myself first. There is no wrong at all with Moha. Children will grow the way we show them. So I must change her life style first. I am observing even Aakarsha also not moving so closely with me like earlier days. Not only this. My relations among my office colleagues also become thin now days. What’s wrong with me? Losing relations is the result of sadhana? Is it the meaning of bandha vimochana? It may not be. I don’t know whether I am moving and thinking in right direction or not. One thing is sure. I am not normal like earlier. Some disturbance is there in my mind. What is that? How to know it? How to overcome it? Whether shall I continue sadhana or just leave it? I am unable to concentrate on sadhana also. I am doing mantra sadhana since last four months. I could achieve nothing. What to do now? Who can help me?”
He wanted to stop these thoughts. So he switched on audio player in his car. Bhagavat Gita was running. Lord Krishna saying to Arjujna “Dear, All your relations will be there during your happy moments. Sometimes new relations also will come. But no one will be there during your hardships except me.”
Something struck him immediately. Yes, I should approach my guruji. I should take his advice for my problem. Really it is coincident to hear Lord Krishna’s lesson on this. He showed me the way to reach my guruji. I have my guru and He told me once that it is my responsibility to perform the journey. He is ready to remove the obstacles coming during my journey. So I need not worry any more. I should meet guruji tomorrow. He decided to go to Guruji both with Aakarha and Moha.